Leadership Mindset Series: "Don't tell what you can ask!"

As leaders, we are expected to know the answers to questions or issues as they come up. While this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, this article will highlight a useful tactic that when applied appropriately, it provides your team or direct reports with an opportunity to provide answers to business issues that would otherwise be answered by you, the supervisor.

“Don’t tell what you can ask” is a leadership tactic that will not only promote better engagement within your team, but it will also empower your team to be solution-oriented. In other words, instead of you (the leader) being the one who answers all questions/issues as they come up, you provide your team with the ability to provide answers to questions/issues as they come up. If you are a leader who aspires to develop future leaders, this is a great tactic for you. On the other hand, if you are a new leader, this is a great tactic that will help promoted better engagement among your team, and thus help provide the team with confidence that they too can solve complex business problems as they come up.

Let’s take a closer look.

Scenario #1 (Any level of leadership that is interacting with an individual contributor): One of your employees comes into your office with a problem. The employee proceeds to explain the situation and quickly asks for help. When this occurs, instead of offering an answer or solution, ask the employee exactly what he/she asked you – in other words, point the initial question right back to your employee. When you do this, encourage the employee to think through their question and encourage the employee to come up with an answer or solution; one of the following generally occurs:

• The employee provides the correct answer or solution to the problem - this is obviously a good sign. When this occurs, compliment the employee, and empower the employee in future situations to pause and think through questions as they come up.
• The employee is unable to provide the correct answer or solution – when this occurs, it is critical to ask developmental questions that helps the employee think through the correct answer or solution. In these instances, it may require a bit of back and forth, but don’t worry as you are teaching the employee how to constructively “think” through a situation so he/she can come up with an answer.
• You create an opportunity to assess the employee – this is one of the most important benefits of this concept. If the employee is eager to grow his/her career and eventually move into a leadership role, by implementing this concept, you are indirectly teaching the employee how to solve problems by him/herself. When it comes time to fill an open leadership role, your employee(s) will already have an advantage – this is especially important for someone who is being promoted into a leadership role for the first time.

Note: This scenario and application can be equally applied to team meetings – when your team is meeting, apply the “don’t tell what you can ask” concept, although apply this tactic to your entire team. As you do this, you will need to become comfortable with the awkward silence that often follows after you ask a question, and no one offers an answer. While it is easy to want to jump in and provide the answer – hold firm, rephrase the question, if necessary, allow the team to think and answer the question.

Scenario #2 (Senior leadership interacting with a direct report who is in a leadership role): This scenario applies when you are managing other leaders. As an example, I am VP of Human Capital (HR) at American Addiction Centers and all of my direct reports are director level or above. In this scenario, I not only apply the “don’t’ tell what you can ask” only when I am asked a question, but I also apply this concept on a broader basis and in a strategic manner. The following are several examples of how you can apply this tactic on a broader basis:

• When you are working on a project: Allow your team to frame the project scope and deliverables from start to finish. If you see your team getting off track, DO NOT intervene! Let them complete this phase completely and on their own. When you meet to review what the team put together, and when you are inspecting their work, apply “don’t tell what you can ask.” This is critical and necessary as you will create micro-opportunities for your team to constructively think about how they got off track. Again, by asking proper questions, you will see that the team will get back on track without you giving them the answer.
• When you are drafting policies: Allow your team to take the lead and draft the policy. Note, with this example, its best if you are working with director-level employees who most likely have experience drafting or co-authoring policies.
• When you are recruiting for a director-level role on your team: Involve other directors in the interview process. Complete the rounds of interviews and then once you have narrowed down the final candidates, “don’t tell what you can ask.” In other words, huddle with each director and ask them who they think was best and who do they believe should receive an offer.  When you do this, be sure to ask them “why” – doing so will help you gain insight and you will learn more about your team and in this example, their reasoning for selecting the best candidate.

Pro Tips:

• Be smart about how you incorporate “Don’t tell what you can ask” into your leadership approach. If your employee doesn’t know the answer or solution, don’t force a situation where the employee gets embarrassed because he/she doesn’t know the answer. Answer the question and move on.
• Use discretion: this tactic can be applied to individual contributors, managers, directors – that said, don’t overdo it and flood your team with questions. Also, if you work in a fast-paced environment, sometimes you need to provide your employee with an answer and move on.
• Set proper expectations: when you rephrase a question back to your employee, provide context as follows: “Rather than me provide the answer, I want to challenge you to think about how you would (insert original question)?”
• As you begin to apply this tactic in a consistent manner, pending the circumstances, be prepared for any of your team members to provide an answer or solution that does not align to your own answer or solution (noting that sometimes there are multiple solutions/answers to a problem). In these instances, use discretion, but allow the employee to go with his/her answer, even if it doesn’t align to what you think is best. Doing so will result in two outcomes, both of which are good:
  • The solution/answer determined by your employee works out well with no issues
  • The solution/answer determined by your employee doesn’t work out (i.e.: the wrong decision was made) – the good news here, these are instances where your employee will learn. I can’t recall the lessons learned from being perfect, but I sure can recall the lessons learned from instance where I made mistakes or the wrong decision!
• When applying “don’t tell what you can ask” to your entire team, make sure that you are calling on everyone and allowing each team member to contribute. Doing so will let you know who on the team is good, and who on the team needs some additional coaching and guidance.

As leaders, we tend to be highly competitive and we sometimes tend to micro-manage perfection. While I’ve been there myself, over the past four years I have really learned to let go and empower my direct reports to make decisions. As long as you are there to catch the employee, so he/she doesn’t get too far off track, you are doing your job as a leader and allowing your team to be challenged and allowing them to make decisions. If the decision doesn’t work out, guess what the good news is? Your employee will learn from their mistake. Do this consistently over the course of several years and your employees will be much further along than others.

If you are a new leader, try incorporating “don’t tell what you can ask” into your daily routine. Drop me a note/comment and let me know how things are coming along. If you get stuck along the way, please reach out. If you have success – let me know – share this in the comments section.

Tim Stein is Vice President of Human Capital at American Addiction Centers, and he is the founder of Deuce Sleeves Mindset Apparel – a brand designed to Inspire your Mindset to never give up or lose faith on your journey in life.

Now nine years in recovery after a 10-plus years of addiction, he brings a unique first-hand perspective to developing strategies that support a company’s most important asset – employees. He is happy to be a resource for HR and training professionals in tackling this issue. Connect with him on Linked-In .